I Am Weary...
I Am Weary Of My Burden. So I Lay It At Your Feet.
A Caution:
These words are not for you
They are for the Intended
The Stability
Who has yet to make an appearance
If you are unprepared for this Burden
We will both crumble under its weight
I say these words simply because they Demand to be said
And not because I want you to hear them
By Way of Introduction:
Ah, such foolishness was brewed this night that brings about these thoughts
But they command to be written and so I do
Ever a slave to the English language and all the sensual coaxing of the Word
And even as I write them, my mind fights the effects, adds to the effects and begs me to leave it be.
But, sigh, I never can
For in all the things I’ve ever learned
And they number many
I have never learned when, or how, to simply stop.
The Meat:
There is a drift
A tide
That ever pulls my car
It would be such an easy thing
To release the wheel
And slide into oblivion
And everyday, every time
I must fight the urge
All that dirt is just too tempting
The seductive curve
The Meet:
I know you worry about me
My words seem to betray something
So smooth they slither from my tongue
Gilded
I did not lie
I do not lie
About such things
I remain horrible
Though you don’t see why
And my words, though truthful, remain deceptive because of it
The words betray me
But it is so subtle
It is not the action I am trying to suggest
But rather the effect
The Influence
Because there is a release there
There is a moment
When the weight of my worries does not crush me
And when my mouth is not strong enough to remain barred against my thoughts
And I have tried to share it with you
But the opportunity keeps slipping you by
A Reference to Many Things:
I waved it in your face
And yet you did not see it
I am seeking a real connection
But I know it will not come
And I resign myself to this
Life without
The Guy
That will make me complete
Life without
The Friend
That I can give this all too
An Apology:
I was wrong
When I said
Though not to your face or ever in so many words
But simply in my heart
When I said
None of your relationships were real
I was wrong
For it is mine that remain fake and superficial
Because I am not real
I glide through this world only half awake
Because it hurts so much
And it would all be so easy
To disappear
To fade away
And only a stone to mark my presence
I know that I only have myself to blame
I wear too many lies
Too many faces
And who can get close to a creature like that
I am Just So Sick of having to Say and Act
To Force the Realization
Have I truly found No One who knows me enough to see when I struggle
But this is an Apology
And I have only myself to blame
For I know better than to level these expectations in your direction
And I am sorry for the pressure that I have thrown your way and the disappointment I have leveled on your shoulders
What right do I have to ask something of you I have never asked before
To ask the blind man the color of my eyes when he has never needed to know
And I am sorry
And I was wrong
And I have only myself to blame
A Plea:
I just want someone to see me. Without asking and without all the obvious connotation that this will bring. Why does it take so much to get someone to listen? How have I been able to get so far on my own? I ask, because I’m not sure I have the strength to do it anymore. And I need a reason and a hope because the grave is just too inviting. And I just want someone to see me. To understand. And I fear (and I Know) that no one ever will.
A Caution:
These words are not for you
They are for the Intended
The Stability
Who has yet to make an appearance
If you are unprepared for this Burden
We will both crumble under its weight
I say these words simply because they Demand to be said
And not because I want you to hear them
By Way of Introduction:
Ah, such foolishness was brewed this night that brings about these thoughts
But they command to be written and so I do
Ever a slave to the English language and all the sensual coaxing of the Word
And even as I write them, my mind fights the effects, adds to the effects and begs me to leave it be.
But, sigh, I never can
For in all the things I’ve ever learned
And they number many
I have never learned when, or how, to simply stop.
The Meat:
There is a drift
A tide
That ever pulls my car
It would be such an easy thing
To release the wheel
And slide into oblivion
And everyday, every time
I must fight the urge
All that dirt is just too tempting
The seductive curve
The Meet:
I know you worry about me
My words seem to betray something
So smooth they slither from my tongue
Gilded
I did not lie
I do not lie
About such things
I remain horrible
Though you don’t see why
And my words, though truthful, remain deceptive because of it
The words betray me
But it is so subtle
It is not the action I am trying to suggest
But rather the effect
The Influence
Because there is a release there
There is a moment
When the weight of my worries does not crush me
And when my mouth is not strong enough to remain barred against my thoughts
And I have tried to share it with you
But the opportunity keeps slipping you by
A Reference to Many Things:
I waved it in your face
And yet you did not see it
I am seeking a real connection
But I know it will not come
And I resign myself to this
Life without
The Guy
That will make me complete
Life without
The Friend
That I can give this all too
An Apology:
I was wrong
When I said
Though not to your face or ever in so many words
But simply in my heart
When I said
None of your relationships were real
I was wrong
For it is mine that remain fake and superficial
Because I am not real
I glide through this world only half awake
Because it hurts so much
And it would all be so easy
To disappear
To fade away
And only a stone to mark my presence
I know that I only have myself to blame
I wear too many lies
Too many faces
And who can get close to a creature like that
I am Just So Sick of having to Say and Act
To Force the Realization
Have I truly found No One who knows me enough to see when I struggle
But this is an Apology
And I have only myself to blame
For I know better than to level these expectations in your direction
And I am sorry for the pressure that I have thrown your way and the disappointment I have leveled on your shoulders
What right do I have to ask something of you I have never asked before
To ask the blind man the color of my eyes when he has never needed to know
And I am sorry
And I was wrong
And I have only myself to blame
A Plea:
I just want someone to see me. Without asking and without all the obvious connotation that this will bring. Why does it take so much to get someone to listen? How have I been able to get so far on my own? I ask, because I’m not sure I have the strength to do it anymore. And I need a reason and a hope because the grave is just too inviting. And I just want someone to see me. To understand. And I fear (and I Know) that no one ever will.
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