Rituals.

Minimum wage in Michigan is $7.40 an hour. Figuring to work 40 hours a week, figuring taxes to be about a third of your income, an individual is expected to make less than $800 a month. The average, decent apartment (and this is probably a conservative estimate) in Grand Rapids is about $500 a month. For one bedroom. How, exactly, is a person supposed to live on $300 a month? I mean, I'm sure some people out there have figured out how, have managed to stretch their dollars. But considering the cost of utilities, phones, gas, etc., how exactly is one supposed to eat? What does someone do in an emergency? I mean, think of it, car registration and insurance in Michigan is required. Registration, for a one inch sticker to place on your license plate is about $80. If, after rent, you only have $300 a month, and you're already stretching that to the brink, where is $80 supposed to come from? It's paralyzing to think that one person cannot, or barely, survive on a full-time job. A

I am down the watership sinking my body has failed my mind I am tethered my feet are buried in the earth while my mind seeks the wind to fly, a kite on the breeze and gone gravity perplexes me, that it will not cooperate when I ask so politely to lift above the air the tarpits grab my thoughts with metal, bone, flesh-stripped claws, existed a thousand years waiting for these words I will never say, buried in my mental grave pointless sticks, I stab myself I do not bleed I court the other side, the yellow lines crossed, flirting with the disaster that never comes, tempted by metal smiles and varnish that drives away I covet the heights, my gods, the temples others built for other creatures I shall never meet, and I see the end, the edge of the world rushing towards me with the speed of the sunset I am forbidden in these places, rejected by the society I do not, never, seek Regret, this constant companion the voice of the republic whispers through the dark shadows of a house I cannot lea

Anubis, the African King The Jackal-headed man Has left me a message in the sand Shall I read it, my good friend? I know what it will say But there’s a chance that I am wrong If I read it, I will know But if I read it, I will know Shall I read it, sweet sovereign sister? The words that dance like samba They speak of you And all the ill that you have done All the lies that you have told me As we walk this desert, hand in hand Shall I read it, kind and gentle lover? With all the lies exposed The knife in your hand That I see your shadow raise My back I give to you Shall I read it, violent partner? It can be our sweet lullaby The sands that tell me all I’ve ever needed know The hourglass that holds them close Shall I read it and tell you what he told me? Of the life that awaits you Of the path your carve Of how you deserted me Of how I cannot be mad, because you walked with me blind, and I changed the course of my feet Shall I read it and hear him scold me? Shifting between who I am and y

Sitting, darkness, dream Sleep, sleep Mindless sheep Sleep Led to slaughter Lead me Take me Wish to be Warmth of wool Smell of blood Salt water Taste Gravity reversed The up Brings down Smashed Against ground Broken Wheeled Intensive care No one Cares Broken Wheeled Cliff Gone

Not sure on the name. My head splits Growing legs and walking towards the sun I think My words are broken Quicksand falls too slow like snow Piled upon the ground like mounds of the dead dying in the sunshine, flesh burnt from this scientific allergy My head splits Growing legs and walking towards the sun Dali elephants that dance in the morning light Flitting from the flowers where I can drown in the dew I hit the atmosphere and burst into flames My body breaking off into space My head says no, shaking side to side like spastic seizures, like all I can say is this word I don’t mean, like all I can say The change is inadequate the transformation impossible, divinely spawned, divinely spurned Rejection lancing into my veins like ecstasy that kills me on my first attempt The numbered dead death The burning facts fax and figures My figure I figure My hands words are broken Yet they tumble waterfalls from my tips Disconcerting this disarray this attempt at meaning above meaning below being

Sleep eternally To break the spell of memory This work of art that I am locked inside The papers burnt in a furnace’s fire No one will see the misery of my mind The world escapes subjugation to my brilliance You shall never know what you have missed And I shall never be missed The glory of this coat I wear Absent of the recognition I deserve Accolades Acolytes Disciples Deception The liar and her burning tongue Which only speaks the truth Build in me The power to defy you Build in me The will to use it Give me the power to destroy The cities you have built The towers to your infamy The vanity of vanity I am the Goddess of the Night If I were a goddess If I were the night I cultivate the greenery around me and twist it black in the pot I look out through the sides of my eyes Cleopatra make-up to make me sinister To reflect what I am The Witch of the Grey In tall twisted towers that watch the world with silent eyes of cold and heavy rock I wait as the world builds on me and snap only whe

The mother lives in me With ice in the corner of my eye I am the harsh winter The burden of snow in a shifting world My place has come undone beneath my feet I have been speared The breastbone broken Thrown back Bleeding on the battlefield, the victim of the hunt The mother lives in me Cultivated by choices I haven’t made That I cannot claim as mine I have tended a green garden of a thousand different plants Sometimes the vines strangle me Sometimes the fragrance smothers me But I have never failed to return As regular as the sun I have learned alchemy From these, my children I have perfected the potion I daily ingest The mother lives in me I know because I cannot go These plants are delicate So I cannot trust another The air blazes burnt orange Filtered by fallen leaves I hover between imagery and meaning A kite On the breeze Unsure where I will go The first frost is coming soon And what omen does that bring? The Mother Lives In Me And I cannot say why I am distracted by these summer

I am the hungry caterpillar I sense in me the potential to become something new But when I look in the mirror I am constantly surprised that I’ve yet to transform I am waiting in my cocoon My hard shell I have eaten pesticide And sleep in a coma I crawl out of my grave to a great, grey graveyard surrounded by the tombs of those who’ve meant nothing to anyone, least of all to me But they are my kin The ignoble dead and dead alike rise up from the ground with unbending knees We lurch to the east and await the rising sun Bursting into flames as the line touches us A nauseating display of pyrotechnics My breath is caught in my throat at the rollercoaster’s plunge The clack of wood The crack of leather Whipped by the scorpion’s tail I am poisoned These words are in a foreign tongue I cannot understand them I will not comprehend tomorrow what I have felt today Each day I’m born Each night I die My skin is burning with a fire I cannot source I roll in the dirt I claw the flesh from my bones B

Not sure how I feel about this one. The supple grip of sinking waters The cold, cold grip of icy fathers The call of cigarettes and lighters The matches I light beneath my burning hand I cannot break free of this cycle that I cannot comprehend My mind is chained to a physical form Everything I see I detest The disgusting human flesh LED flashes in my positronic brain A purple scent drifts behind my eyes Flashes of a black and white face The destruction of a map So I cannot return to this place Torn like paper are my paper-thin walls Obvious has replaced the irony I cannot give what I do not have And I could not give a damn

It’s a cruel, cruel summer _____ The day that I was born I wake to burning skies Orange and copper that tears the skin from my bones as I stand naked in the light I stand bare against the summer sun and dream of waves that can wash me away The ground has pulled me close The sky has pushed me away Gravity claimed me as a child and clipped my wings I have been deceived about my heritage But it is too late for me to fix Bright eyes speak to me through darkness Glints of Gleaming and hints of the horrors yet to come Beyond the horizon lays the ocean Beyond the sea lies the edge of the world that I’d hoped to see Beyond the horizon lies more horizon, always on _____ its side. Always lying down under the weight of _____ hopes and dreams the travelers before me have _____ abandoned, hoping to make it one step farther. And around the next bend lie their corpses and I find _____ myself among family. My kin The Elephant Graveyard relocated The night. The darkness. The light of the moon. The

If I don’t go now I could die If I don’t run I could die If I don’t find the end I will meet my end If I don’t hurry I will stop If I sing I will dance If I spiral I will fall If I fall I will die If I die I will soar If I question They will answer If I tell They will anger If I tell They will not care If I tell I will lie If I I will I won’t I could I might I’ll never If I try I will let it all down If I go down It will be in flames If I burn I will cry If I cry I will live If I live It will all begin again The Sisyphus Hill

I lay side by side with my dog Like I would with a lover I pet her while I rest To give my mind rest from the anxious thoughts that swell The desire to sleep cast by the expulsion of my emotive thoughts Soon my mind will play tricks on me and call them dreams Soon my mind will play tricks on me and take them away I will wake in to a new day And never know I felt this way I feel the need to explain But I reject my need to make you see it

I have been insulted By myself I have no response For everything I say Is true Direction I am climbing I am scaling I am making my way up the ladder I have a long way to go

My mother didn’t tell me this Days like this She saved it for another She didn’t believe in this when I needed it I got the empty hand The open hand She might as well have slapped me for all the damage she has done simply from her failure to do anything at all

My father didn’t tell me this Days like this He saved it for another He didn’t believe in this when I needed it I got the empty hand The open hand He might as well have slapped me for all the damage he has done simply from his failure to do anything at all

I am the Downward Spiral The Bird of Prey and this Cyclonic current will burn me to the ground I cannot pause my pace and run the rampant wheel I am Cloaked and seek the shadows with a full-on spotlight I fear the footsteps _____ dread the tread My hair is a wheat field _____ my hands, the wind Is this graven image enough to save me from my crucifixion? I am the Downward Spiral I am Volume II I extend beyond my borders _____ i break my spine I am Fine His words are haunting All words are haunting _____ when you’re haunted I am the Rabbit I am the Falcon I am the vehicle I am my own Destruction I am the Gong _____ perhaps, the xylophone _____ I am not the Walrus I am not the bane of your existence _____ just the bane of mine _____ and yours. I am not the soul nor the shell _____ i am the space between I am not the police nor the criminal _____ but i will be beaten I am, I am not I think, therefore I rot _____ unable t

_____ When shadows dance and burn with a thousand _____ wicked thoughts, you will know half of what I’ve _____ seen, no matter that none of it was real _____ No matter how I feel _____ The knife severed the nerves _____ The God of my Universe has killed me _____ My body broken on the bottom of his endless pit _____ I speak in words that ring red _____ For my head is filled with air but my lungs are _____ filled with blood Someone else’s hand is in my head _____ Blocking the thoughts I’m meant to think I’m seeing colors I have never seen before _____ And cannot name _____ Looking like all the rest But the feeling he has left me with is freezing _____ The functions slow and numb Nothing I feel makes sense _____ And everything I say makes too much But it is not enough Enough of what I’ve seen Too much of what I’ve done Buried with the muddy shovel I’ve left in my trunk The sidewalk ends _____ A wall a cliff The storm rages outside in Build _____ in _____ Crush my throat with

I am the literal literature The scientific hand I have scoured from my flesh the parts that do not matter, and the rest I have dressed and called the improved. I am subtlety With sarcastic trim I am the byproduct of your brilliance I am the cost of removing pesticide and have an optional evil laugh I am stagnant I am I am I am Not a statement of my existence But a mockery of my sentences I am the hammer I am the nail I am crucifixion’s cross I am the Savior

Darkness stills my hand Where once it encouraged it A fog encompasses my mind Confusing my thoughts with reality Questioning my existence As though the world wonders if I am truly here Musical notes echo through caverns in my mind that, once filled, stand empty and dusty, lost to the ravages of time, of the crime of forgetting, victims of a master mind Gunfire and violins push me over the cliff’s edge And as the wind rushes past my face, I close my eyes They have deceived me in the past So I can only hope my other senses will compensate I cannot imagine and create at the same time To be engrossed in a world that would inspire another, but paralyzes my pen My hand is gone My arm is numb By my own words I am stricken dumb A spell upon myself A curse To wander without taking steps Through hallways of death shrouds Through clotheslines of black linen and sunlight as dark as night, forsaken by the moon I wander in trees the size of buildings Cities of pedestrians and foliage Blind an

Why did you build me Broken? On legs I cannot stand Why have you instilled me with Hope? Dream a future that cannot come I have been granted visions of the glory of the universe with no method to reach the stars I have been given desire with no hope of satisfaction My hands quiver with bloody rage as I smell the fear in the wind It is the past that has run ahead of me And I just recall it now Kneeling in a pile of dirty clothes Staring at a bin of garbage while my mother washes dishes I made a pact with you I swore an oath And I’m sorry that I failed But I cannot see when there is no light I cannot breathe when there is not air You do not speak So I know only silence And I feel nothing but the space in my chest The hole where my soul should be My heart merely keeps the beat Pumps the blood It offers no sense of life What agony you have brought to me Selling in the shape of knives Blades that I have plunged into my breast I have slit my throat I have cut my wrists But my blood is too fr

The truth has scattered with the gods The stars have walked away Times howls at me from a distant hill Calling me forth to lands unknown where I am unknown Someone has lifted the music box lid I cannot name the song But I know its tune, echoing off cavern walls The secret route to Hades, beckoning me in Every word written with the secret hope of truth Seeking the black hole beneath the page The road of no return Death in black cat’s form The bad luck ‘cross my path Broken mirrors For I shatter the paper that lies, no matter how reflective No matter how true, glass lies Tapestry woven with deceptive thread Once I hoped But now I know This cannot be true

A thousand broken words A billion disconnected thoughts twisted on a single thread Knitted as the fabric of humanity The pressure of a steam engine The magic of the atom bomb Controlled madness taught to dance The tune forgotten, we unravel into infinity Dropping into depths I cannot stop these words I cannot escape these songs For they are all that exists to explain the thought The moods set to music determined by the moods I’m in The diamond circle Unbreakable Louder to drown the hate Louder to drown the fear Burning like napalm to clear my mind Make me deaf, if you cannot be bothered to speak Take the knife from my head Put it in my back Let me bleed Killed by mediocrity

Everything spins in my head Everything I am Vicious angry swirls Nothing staying long enough To be cataloged To be counted Fleeting moments of delirious happiness Worlds I should be in Things I should create But my hands trembles as I reach Dreams of mine I cannot claim My life’s work just to see clearly But they are fog and greyest smoke Deadly nightshade burning behind the irises of my eyes As though inside is the place I cannot look Though I’ve spent my days locked in my own head Oh bury me with all these sad sad thoughts The embarrassment The shame of the inability to excel at connectivity When a single cohesive vision is all you’ve ever sought To have given up all else Because this is what you wanted While perfectly aware Nothing you’ve started has ever finished Fearing the failure of the neverending Facing the mockery of being good at something that grates in your teeth Facing the mockery that you’re not as good as your eyes told you To see your thoughts on paper To see dis

:raspberry: Brakes suck.

I can't wait till someone comes up with the technology that will type what you're thinking. Because, I have a lot to say but I don't really feel like saying it right now. So, yeah, feeling a little down right now. Adios.