Rituals.

Hey, I've been posting for a full year. I'm going now. Because I don't feel like talking to you. You're not special enough. :razzberry:

I get it. You're pissed. You're mad because you think I've said something I shouldn't have. Maybe I did. Maybe the question I asked isn't one you're ready to handle. Maybe you'll never be ready to handle it. But I said it. I can't take it back. And I'm sorry you're mad at me. I'm sorry that causing you to doubt yourself is so offensive. I did it for a reason. And I had the best intentions in mind, roads to hell aside. I did it because the question was hanging in the air. I asked it because it was obvious to me. And when something's obvious to me, I think it should be obvious to the people it involves. I would rather have you made at me for asking it, then not have asked it at all. I can understand why you don't want it asked. You've built your life around it. Everything you've done and everything you do is with this goal in mind. I get that you can't handle the doubt because it presents the possibility that eve

All I Ask. The subtle melancholy of my life has deepened to a point of no return. Have I gone as far as I can go, up or down? Is there no joy to be found? Do I await a fiery doom? Will I find dusk and gloom? Does silence wait in the afterlife? Where whispers abound with life and love, but none can touch me. An operation of dark intent, removing my heart, my center and soul. Yearn for life and death. Strive for peace and silence yet search for action and noise. Pain runs freely through my veins. Every day is pain and darkness but never enough. Never death. Never the end. Never everything it could be, all building up to the point of nothing. Life has deserted me and death will not claim me. Left is right and up is down and everything spins round and round. Clockwise is counter, in is out and all of everything spins about. Building is collapsing and the retreat is sound. The day arises and my heart forgets to beat and everything is nothing and nothing at all but ev

Fatalism can be a beautiful thing. I wear a mask every day. But it’s not the one I want. Everyday the same. I pretend to happy and to be sad. But what mask do you wear for pain? What face can you show for that? Is there a way to show that? I long to wear pain. A mask of blood. So everyone will know. And I can stop hiding. Slice my vein. Dip my fingers in. Drag along my skin. War paint. Death rites. A warning. The truth. Morbidity holds me close. Morbidity is my truth. It will let me show my true colors. But the world won’t let me wear them. They worship life. You worship life. Cling to life. As though that is all there is. But I long for another path. A path of darkness. A path of solitude. A path of no pain. No fear. No doubt. No uncertainty. Just absolution. I long for absolution. I long for death. But I am too nice to walk the path prematurely. Too cowardly to perform the act. Too scared to see the results. Death holds silenc

:singing: "Insomniacs. Insomniacs. I need to find some Insomniacs." "Then when I'm bored, like I am now, I have someone to talk to." "I'm not drunk, I swear I'm not." "I'm just bored...which is almost as bad." "Because now I can't sleep." "And I won't go to bed, until I've gotten this outta my system." Everybody: "Insomniacs. Insomniacs. I need to find some Insomniacs." "Then when I'm bored, like I am now, I have someone to talk to." "I just smoked four cigarettes." "And I'm feeling very mor-bid." "I'm wide awake, so awake." "I'm feeling very social, which is completely strange for me." "Insomniaces. Insomniacs. I need to find some Insomniacs." "Then when I'm bored, like I am now, I have someone to talk to." "I have have very few friends." "And almost no lif

Today, specifically because it's 9/11, seems like a good day for my little Freedom rant. Keep in mind, I'm not trying to offend you. I'm giving my opinion. And yes, my opinion might be offensive. But that doesn't mean it's directed at you or that being offensive is it's objective. On 9/11, I was sitting in Math Class when I heard about the attack on the Twin Towers. It was sad, but the thing I remember most is that some of the people around me were getting really scared. I remember thinking, "yeah, because after New York City, Waterford, MI is there next target." But I didn't say anything because it wouldn't have been appropriate. The entire day, though, I remember being very annoyed with people. It was all they would talk about and they were all acting like it was the most tragic thing in the world. And I'm not saying that it wans't a great tragedy. It was, it really was. But things like this happen in other countries all the time.

I am very sore. Why you ask? Well, I have Karate twice a week for an hour, plus Judo once a week for two. This had better get better. It hurts to lift my arms right now. And sleeping: very uncomfortable...which stinks because I like sleeping. Oh well. I'll get over it. Also, my sinuses are going nuts and it's been two weeks. They should be done by now. But I think they're actually getting worse, since now my eyes are sore. But that might be from the lack of sleep. Okay, lata. (And yes, I know I still owe you a rant about Freedom. It's coming, I promise.) Song: "I Put A Spell On You" by Ray Charles.

I'm soooooo booorrreeedddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can I never find someone to drink with me? (Did I not mention I was drunk?) It's only Bacardi 151, it's not that bad. Suck it up guys and take a shot. No, seriously, I mean guys. Because I've yet to find a guy to drink it with me. I don't expect any girls to (no offense), but come on. Guys? Not drinking strong drinks? Not testing their masculinity against a girl who could theoretically drink them under the table? Whatever happened to testosterone? Suck it up and take a shot. You people suck. I'm soooooo bbbooorrreeeddd!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not what college is supposed to be like. *razzberry* You people need to learn how to drink.

Well, I was going to give you a rant but I went and donated blood today. So the lack of bodily fluids combined with today's heat (this supposed to be Northern Michigan, bring on the snow) has completely worn me out. Therefore any rants will have to wait. Sorry. Song: "We Are" by Ana