Rituals.

I think I might murder my facebook page.

What is it about me? Because, it has to be me, doesn't it? I hold my tongue on a lot of things. For many reasons. People have the right to be who they are. People have the right to their own behaviors. And I have the right to let go of things. And I have the right to be upset about things. WHY AM I NEVER ALLOWED TO BE UPSET? Everyone I meet seems to suffer from the same condition: punk-ass little brats. And I am so sick of putting up with other people's issues. I don't even remember what mine are anymore....

There are such dark days in this life. Days that tear you apart and drag you down. And every day, we rise up and try again. Is it so wrong to ask for something miraculous to happen? Something extra-ordinary. Something that defys the phrase "that's impossible." For even the most amazing things I've ever heard of or ever known, are all things that are perfectly possible. But it brings this question to mind. Can the truly astonishing and the God who created this mundane world, exist together? Am I willing to surrender even that smallest amount of faith I still possess in order to see something that defies all other explanation?

Someday, I'm gonna figure this "friend" thing out.

How many times do we have to listen to "it'll get better" and "one day." Why is that day never this day? It seems like when it arrives, I am never aware of it. Or it comes for someone other than me. Isn't life supposed to level out? Isn't life supposed to settle, like the dirt at the bottom of the river? Certainly, that's how I feel. Dirt at the bottom of the river. It's those lies that people tell us. "It'll all get better." Like how we're supposed to smile until we feel like smiling. Why should we have smiles? Why are they a requirement for making it through the day? If we feel lousy, should we be allowed the opportunity to share that emotion through out facial expressions? Where did this quirk of culture come from, that we should express feelings we don't feel? It lights a fire in me. A rage. People saying how we are to feel. Emotion without cause, burning us alive, from the outside in. These smiles we