The Scroll of Blasphemy

_____ When shadows dance and burn with a thousand
_____ wicked thoughts, you will know half of what I’ve
_____ seen, no matter that none of it was real
_____ No matter how I feel
_____ The knife severed the nerves
_____ The God of my Universe has killed me
_____ My body broken on the bottom of his endless pit
_____I speak in words that ring red
_____For my head is filled with air but my lungs are
_____ filled with blood

Someone else’s hand is in my head
_____ Blocking the thoughts I’m meant to think
I’m seeing colors I have never seen before
_____ And cannot name
_____ Looking like all the rest
But the feeling he has left me with is freezing
_____ The functions slow and numb
Nothing I feel makes sense
_____And everything I say makes too much
But it is not enough

Enough of what I’ve seen
Too much of what I’ve done
Buried with the muddy shovel I’ve left in my trunk

The sidewalk ends
_____ A wall a cliff
The storm rages outside in
Build_____in
_____ Crush my throat with barometric pressure
The drum beats me
Stick with stones to break my heart
_____Their aim is true

My thoughts make no sense
_____ They are not my own so why should they, written in that vile _____tongue, pressed against my flesh, leaving a Treacherous Red _____lipstick brand

_____Given any crossroad,
I will sit down in the dirt and wait for the roads to come to me
_____ Not for risk of failure or failure to decide
But because I cannot comprehend the choice

I am the man of many labels
_____ And a gun for each one
Stamped to death on a thousand plastic boxes
Everything inside of a box inside a box inside a box inside a box inside a box inside a box inside a box inside my system has crashed

I am the Vistic view
_____ Completed incomplete
_____ Mass market without the currency of my claim

I kissed a girl and I liked it

The broken Law of the malfunctioned robot
I am human and not
_____ I cannot kill myself
_____ Can you do it for me?
Coincidence I call you
Fates you have been summoned
I’ve made plans with an accident

This is my manic manifesto
This is my manic depression
This is my hole in the ground
_____ My stake in time
A stitch in nine cannot save me from the torn limbs
Quartered by quarter horses

Burned at the stake because I called myself the
_____Flawed God
And then called God the same thing

We share a name
_____Him and I

I am Lilith
_____Or Eve or Adam
But I am the first of my kind
_____ And responsible for my own ejection

It would ring false to say it isn’t true
To deny that I mean this
_____ __________ I mean this

I don’t know what it means
_____But I mean it
I only speak the truth
_____ But one door will always lie
_____ If you open it, I promise you will die

Blunted
_____When my heart confuses me
Confused
_____ When my head rings clear
And incomplete when I put purpose behind you

In the past I’ve scribed the future
_____For I know where I will go

They will beat you to death with twisted bread rather than let you starve

I am fueled by this dual beat
Hydromatic power courses through my veins

I couldn’t catch fire if I wanted to
My skin would fall away like paper and I would cover the world, absorbed into the sky and part of the filtration system
_____Better to feel the pain I have now than touch a corner of every _____joy and know when it’s not mine

The words die off with the rhythm
_____ But the song repeats and I cannot stop
The neverending story of the Story of the Failure
The out of place
The token
The cameo for the burnt-out nova star

I’d create new words if I thought they’d be enough to tell you how I feel
What who?

Fueled fueled
Force the pressure to prevent the explosion
God forbid that someone knows

Thus I forbid
For I said we are the same

I am the mistake
And I suspect he is too