Sex and Violence

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I sit in a sea of blue with an ache between my legs
A strange pain
I am never fulfilled
But sometimes I am comforted
Is it flesh I seek?
To wrap warm arms around me
To hold me close as though I am a child
To hold me in stillness as though dead
Warm breath on my neck
Slowing heartbeats
Is it flesh I seek, to lie in bed with me?

I sit in a sea of shadows with an ache in my chest
Such familiar pain
Worn every day like a shower that does not end
Is it a soul I seek?
To replace the one I lost
Or was never given
Or just for me to share the pain with
To give half away so that my burden is not so cumbersome
So that I can take a step each day
Is it a soul I seek?

To what?
To steal to replace my own?
To break to repair mine?
To shatter, that I am not the only one
Or to see how truly broken we can be
To claw like some desperate animal inside the chest of another Man
To dig my hands through flesh
And snap bone
And paw through all the meat
Until I find that luscious red heart
And squeeze it between my fists
Like clay
Like mud
To strangle and choke and rend the life from that godforsaken body to fuel the dying fire in my godforsaken own

Murder victim?
I am Jack the Ripper that I’ve stayed so long
Oh how I could kill a man or a whore
Bathe in the blood
Desperately searching for that long lost sign that there is meaning or worth to any of you
To any of it
To me

God, how I could kill your creatures just for the curiosity of seeing them bleed

Just to prove that they have blood inside them
Just to prove they are real

But what would it prove
The soul I can’t find in them is no proof of the presence of one in me
The desperation of truth
Begging for a simple lie
That there is something out there to fix me
When I know there is only something that will bide the time

Murderous, how these thoughts grow
For what murder is it when it isn’t real
When it doesn’t matter
I could kill you to fix me
If I though it would fix me

If your soul was transferable
I would rip out your heart
I would sew your shadow to my feet and proudly wear the blood

Oh sweet, dark impulses
How you murder me
Thoughts as cold as ice
To melt
To turn to vapor when I am gone
So they can only blame myself

Oh sweet, dark impulses
The shrine I’ve built to you
The sacrifices given
My heart
My soul
My life
How you feed on me

Oh sweet, dark impulses
How you murder me

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