See, I knew you'd come in handy.
Thank you Drew.
I've been missing it for some time. But now it has been found. And I am happy.
The. Best. Site. Ever.
http://www.4q.cc/chuck
And because you deserve it.
The Top Thirty.
(naturally, in descending order. I hate when things are ruined because people put number one on the top.)
The ones I like are in red. But read the whole list. Or Chuck Norris might kill you.
30. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
29. Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
28. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
27. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
26. When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
25. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
24. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
23. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
22. When faced with a difficult situation, Jesus asks himself, "What would Chuck Norris do?"
21. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
20. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
19. Chuck Norris' girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
18. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
17. When the bogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
16. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
15. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
14. A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.
13. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
12. On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
11. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
10. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
9. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
7. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
6. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
5. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
4. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
3. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Ah, so much fun.
I've been missing it for some time. But now it has been found. And I am happy.
The. Best. Site. Ever.
http://www.4q.cc/chuck
And because you deserve it.
The Top Thirty.
(naturally, in descending order. I hate when things are ruined because people put number one on the top.)
The ones I like are in red. But read the whole list. Or Chuck Norris might kill you.
30. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
29. Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women then most men.
28. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
27. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
26. When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
25. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
24. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
23. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
22. When faced with a difficult situation, Jesus asks himself, "What would Chuck Norris do?"
21. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
20. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
19. Chuck Norris' girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
18. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
17. When the bogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
16. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
15. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
14. A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.
13. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
12. On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
11. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
10. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
9. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
7. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
6. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
5. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
4. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
3. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Ah, so much fun.
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