What Lies Beneath

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Sometimes I get the feeling that I lack depth and substance.

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Cast the Bones

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I write words like spells. To pull me from my skin, to Slide To set each cell and capillary aflame as my soul bursts from its cell I listen to the music that will drown me. Like rushing tides that pull me beneath the caps and rolls of waves A crystal blue prison that will make me panic as I feel a darkness close around me Like winter to enfold me Like a night to claim me Like all the horrors you can imagine Like all that, but wonderful instead I think it’s wonderful. And I feel no shame in this. Only desperation when it goes and I cannot follow Only despair when I wake from haunting dreams and see the sun shining in my eyes To touch Heaven, to touch God My Heaven my God And then strip it away like flesh flayed from the skin Like a knife that cuts its tracks down my arm To feel fibers sever and muscle tear and nerves that scream Nerves that scream like I scream when my eyes open to this place Every moment of agony Every moment of it agony Books weigh like anchors on my feet To pull me t...
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Let all laws be agreed.

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From now on, or at least today, Wednesday is "You know what I hate?" day. So to start things off: You know what I hate? English majors. I know what you're thinking. "Aren't you an English major?" Yes, I am. But why do you think I put it off for 3 years? Because they suck. They are unbearably pretentious and the only form of life more useless that Communication majors and the only ones more annoying than Art majors. They all think (and by "all" I am excluding myself) they're going to write the next great novel. But what they fail to remember is that most people who become famous for art related issues only become famous after they're dead. Picasso. William Shakespeare. (he was, admittedly, popular in his day, but that was because he wrote plays people wanted to see, he wrote what was "hot." It wasn't until much past his time that he was honored and respected for creating "art.") There are more, obviously, but I would...
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If because of some strange...

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temporal bubble or gap in your memory, you still have delusions that I am "cool" in any way, or am anything but a super-geek, then STOP READING!!! Because this post will prove once and for all that I have far too much time on my hands. (Although, thankfully I have yet to cross into "nerd" territory, because this stuff is still just a hobby for me and not the focus of my life.) But to the point. I just saw Batman Begins. I literately just got home from seeing it. Now as Batman is my favorite character (well, tied with Catwoman of course), you know I'm going to have plenty to say. I filled up five and a half pages in my notebook with comments (good and bad). Granted, it's on half-size pages and written in permanent marker, in the dark. But it would still equal about two pages. So let's get to it. (oh yeah, little warning about spoilers, they're in here, whatever.) Item 1. Bruce Wayne discovers the cave of bats under his mansion at his parents funeral, ...
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Five Alarm

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A steady rhythm Inhale Exhale Smoke-filled lungs Inhale Exhale A glorious epitaph Such a wonder opens before me Coffers of splendor A myriad of voids and endless worlds A hooker under a street lamp A gangster in a bank A gambler in a casino And the dead man in jail This air of mystery This fog of complexity Death in sticks Suicide in packs Choice limited by your issues Freedom hampered By coughs and the sense of smell But there is this moment And there is this space Where there is just space And nothing matters Because nothing exists And you can ignore the tar in your lungs And the smell on your clothes And hands And hair You can ignore the frostbitten fingers The shaking limbs The futility of a lighter in the wind Because in that one moment It’s not about what you did Or’ve done It’s about that moment And about the feeling Of knowing nothing at all matters It is a Zen garden With rocks and sand And Coy swimming about in empty circles It is a forest of solitude Of green And brown Of br...
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Jericho

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I am...I don't know. My head is...I don't know. There's a whole mess of I-don't-know running through my brain. The heater keeps turning on and I want to kill it. But I don't want to get up. That wasn't what I wanted to say. That wasn't the thing inside my head trying to get out. And yet it appeared anyway. I felt high last night, humming at the foot of my bed as I played a game, listening to a random mix of songs I'd already approved. Songs that have been running through my mind since my obsession with hearing them began some several weeks ago. The world felt nice around me. Quiet and dark. I felt alone. I felt that feeling when you ask to be left alone and people listen and comply without the implication that "are you upset about something?" or are being anti-social. Who could blame us, though? The social of the world sucks. How dare you shut down your mind? How dare you think the thoughts that are your own? Where was I going? Wh...
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The Dead Zone

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I know a lot of it is the meds talking, specifically the meds failing that is talking, but I just feel so....dead. I can't think of anything to do creatively. And when I do think of something, I don't have the motivation for it. I open the internet browser and after responding to all the Arcade threads, I don't know how to spend my time. I binge watch a show, and then can't stand it enough to finish it. I switch genres, and then there isn't enough to fill the time. I try to work and can't concentrate for more than 15 mins. I have, roughly, a 12 hour day and I don't know how to spend the time. And then when the time is spent, I don't know what I've spent it doing. I'm lost and alone and in the woods. It's snowing and it's cold, and I don't have the proper attire. I'm abandoned and given up on and rejected. I don't have a signal. I'm looking for a sign. All I see is the same old trees. And I've neve...
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Amazon.com sucks. They have too much stuff that I want. I'm very upset, well not upset at Amazon.com, more like upset at myself for buying it when I know I don't need to. *sigh* Oh well. First day of classes tomorrow. That should be fun. I need to drop my Intro to Shakesphere class. It's far away. We're talking off-campus away. I don't plan on trudging a mile away, off-campus, through the snow, at ten every morning for a class I don't need and a class I didn't really want in the first place (I wanted another English class and the one I really wanted was full, so I took this one to fill my schedule). So that one's off. I'm gonna try and find another one but I'm not sure where I'll be able to fit it in unless it's another 10 o'clock class. I could fit one in on Friday or Mondays & Thursdays at 3:00-5:00. On the other hand, I still have four classes, but one of them is only a 1 credit class, which leaves me at just 13 credit ho...
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