Practically Perfect In Every Way
So I just went back and was rereading a bunch of my old posts and I've decided that if I was ever measured by Mary Poppins' tape measure, my little description would be "easily amused by own intelligence".
Also, I've added a little title section ^^^ but really, it's just another chance for me to showcase my writing and quip talents. I'm selfish like that.
And people find me overbearing and condescending. Really.
Plus, I posted again because I decided to add more "Evil Overlord" Stuff. And today's your lucky day because you get ten of them instead of the measly five. Throw that in the face of whoever's nearby. (But don't explain it, just mock them because you got ten and they only got five. Try it, it'll be fun)
:sigh: I'm so whimsical today.
If I was an Evil Overlord, I would:
6. I will never utter the sentence "Before I kill you, you should know…"
7. I will never turn into a giant snake, no matter how much I might want to, because it never helps.
8. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the mountain of despair beyond the river of fire guarded by the dragons of eternity. It will be locked up in my safe-deposit box.
9. I will not require ranking female members of my staff to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress code.
10. I will occasionally listen to and follow my advisor's advice.
11. When my troops invade an unsuspecting country, I will direct the attack from the safety of my stronghold. If I absolutely must ride into battle myself, I will certainly not do so at the forefront of my army. Nor will I attempt to seek out my opposite number among his army for personal combat. I value personal bravery and all, but in these situations, the evil guy always dies. I will, however, seek out any number of the hero's little sidekick friends and kill them. It'll make the hero angry, but those guys I at least know I can beat.
12. If my advisors ask, "Why are you risking everything on this mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have an answer that satisfies them.
13. One of my chief advisors will be an average, every-day eight-year-old child. Any flaws in my Master Plan that he is able to spot will be corrected long before I put that plan into action.
14. If I am considering using a new code, I will instruct my eight-year old advisor to try to break it. If he can, the code will not be used. Note: the same policy applies to passwords. (Hey, AF. can you say "computer"?)
15. If my Trusted Lieutenant tells me that my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him... After all, he is my Trusted Lieutenant.
(I lied, you're getting more than ten. I'm just having too much fun.)
16. I will not order my Trusted Lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me... I will do it myself. With my bare hands.
17. I will make sure that there is a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up, I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price of failure!", then suddenly turn and kill a random underling. I'll kill the general. It is, after all, his fault.
18. If any of my advisors ever says to me "My lord, he is but one man, and what can one man possibly do?" I will reply "This.", and then shoot him.
19. My noble half-brother, whose throne I usurped to come into power, will not be secretly kept imprisoned anonymously in a cell in my dungeon. He will be killed as soon as my coronation is over. Wait, why am I even waiting that long?
20. I will not have a son. Although his eventual and surely laughable plan to overthrow me will fail, it could provide a fatal distraction at a crucial moment.
21. I will not have a daughter. Although she would certainly be as evil as she is beautiful, once she sees the hero's rugged good looks, she will no doubt betray me to him.
22. It's almost too obvious to mention, but you'd be surprised how many Evil Overlords mess it up: My stronghold will have ventilation ducts that are too small to crawl through.
23. The entrance to my stronghold will have doors that are normal sized. While twenty-foot tall doors do impress the masses, they are difficult to close quickly in an emergency. Plus it's much easier to kill the hero when he's running away on foot rather than in a stolen motor vehicle that i decided to make fast and bullet-proof.
24. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports that intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
25. In my headquarters, incinerators, not compactors will dispose of bulk trash, and they will be kept hot, with none of this nonsense about flames shooting through accessible tunnels at intervals.
And I'm gonna stop. I'd keep going, really I would, but then I'm afraid I'd completely fill up the screen and you might not have the patience to scan the entire page to read all of my brilliant posts that you might have missed from not only today, but previous days as well.
Plus, I noticed this little stipend on the Blogger settings, where if you have it set to show seven days of posts instead of seven posts, then there's a limit of 999 posts. I think I'd like to test that one day.
Maybe tomorrow (notice the evil grin reminiscent of the Grinch.)
Anyway. Later Days.(it's from a cartoon, don't worry about it.)
Also, I've added a little title section ^^^ but really, it's just another chance for me to showcase my writing and quip talents. I'm selfish like that.
And people find me overbearing and condescending. Really.
Plus, I posted again because I decided to add more "Evil Overlord" Stuff. And today's your lucky day because you get ten of them instead of the measly five. Throw that in the face of whoever's nearby. (But don't explain it, just mock them because you got ten and they only got five. Try it, it'll be fun)
:sigh: I'm so whimsical today.
If I was an Evil Overlord, I would:
6. I will never utter the sentence "Before I kill you, you should know…"
7. I will never turn into a giant snake, no matter how much I might want to, because it never helps.
8. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the mountain of despair beyond the river of fire guarded by the dragons of eternity. It will be locked up in my safe-deposit box.
9. I will not require ranking female members of my staff to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress code.
10. I will occasionally listen to and follow my advisor's advice.
11. When my troops invade an unsuspecting country, I will direct the attack from the safety of my stronghold. If I absolutely must ride into battle myself, I will certainly not do so at the forefront of my army. Nor will I attempt to seek out my opposite number among his army for personal combat. I value personal bravery and all, but in these situations, the evil guy always dies. I will, however, seek out any number of the hero's little sidekick friends and kill them. It'll make the hero angry, but those guys I at least know I can beat.
12. If my advisors ask, "Why are you risking everything on this mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have an answer that satisfies them.
13. One of my chief advisors will be an average, every-day eight-year-old child. Any flaws in my Master Plan that he is able to spot will be corrected long before I put that plan into action.
14. If I am considering using a new code, I will instruct my eight-year old advisor to try to break it. If he can, the code will not be used. Note: the same policy applies to passwords. (Hey, AF. can you say "computer"?)
15. If my Trusted Lieutenant tells me that my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him... After all, he is my Trusted Lieutenant.
(I lied, you're getting more than ten. I'm just having too much fun.)
16. I will not order my Trusted Lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me... I will do it myself. With my bare hands.
17. I will make sure that there is a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up, I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price of failure!", then suddenly turn and kill a random underling. I'll kill the general. It is, after all, his fault.
18. If any of my advisors ever says to me "My lord, he is but one man, and what can one man possibly do?" I will reply "This.", and then shoot him.
19. My noble half-brother, whose throne I usurped to come into power, will not be secretly kept imprisoned anonymously in a cell in my dungeon. He will be killed as soon as my coronation is over. Wait, why am I even waiting that long?
20. I will not have a son. Although his eventual and surely laughable plan to overthrow me will fail, it could provide a fatal distraction at a crucial moment.
21. I will not have a daughter. Although she would certainly be as evil as she is beautiful, once she sees the hero's rugged good looks, she will no doubt betray me to him.
22. It's almost too obvious to mention, but you'd be surprised how many Evil Overlords mess it up: My stronghold will have ventilation ducts that are too small to crawl through.
23. The entrance to my stronghold will have doors that are normal sized. While twenty-foot tall doors do impress the masses, they are difficult to close quickly in an emergency. Plus it's much easier to kill the hero when he's running away on foot rather than in a stolen motor vehicle that i decided to make fast and bullet-proof.
24. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports that intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
25. In my headquarters, incinerators, not compactors will dispose of bulk trash, and they will be kept hot, with none of this nonsense about flames shooting through accessible tunnels at intervals.
And I'm gonna stop. I'd keep going, really I would, but then I'm afraid I'd completely fill up the screen and you might not have the patience to scan the entire page to read all of my brilliant posts that you might have missed from not only today, but previous days as well.
Plus, I noticed this little stipend on the Blogger settings, where if you have it set to show seven days of posts instead of seven posts, then there's a limit of 999 posts. I think I'd like to test that one day.
Maybe tomorrow (notice the evil grin reminiscent of the Grinch.)
Anyway. Later Days.(it's from a cartoon, don't worry about it.)
Comments