Marathons

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Everyday gets harder and I don't know when I'm going to give up.

I don't know why I haven't already.

I wish there was a better explanation for being the way I am. I wish there was more wrong with me, that things were harder for me, so I could spend less time defending myself.

And even though no one ever asks, I still feel like I have to defend myself. Like they accuse me without saying anything. And so I spend all this time preparing answers for questions that never come.

But I do that any way. Every conversation I ever had, I've already had once before. I run over everything in my mind. Once. Twice. A half dozen times. It gets exhausting.

It's all exhausting.

And I'm so very tired.

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