Start Again.

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I don't know what happened to that need I had. To tell the world everything that was in me. There's an irony in even making that statement.

I think it was hope.

I seem full of that these days, and it always comes back to bite me. Sometimes it doesn't seem like I am hoping for something to happen but begging for it instead.

Please come through for me.

Please work.

Please be.

Please, reason, come forth and find me. So I will know you are there.

And after I send those words out into the universe, I feel broken and empty. Like it was all I had to give to the world. Like it was all I had in me. And then I must wait for the well to refill, not knowing why I wait, why I keep going.

I never know why I keep going.

How can I? I don't even know where I'm going.

Where am I going?

Everything I get from everyone I speak to is just a portion of what I need. This from those, that from them. Everything broken up into tiny, small, barely-enough-to-keep-me-going pieces. And arms never strong enough to hold me.

Something in this world sucks. Is it life? Or just me?

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