Wonderland

Wonderland

Tell me what I am to do today, sitting
In this crazy house
Or better yet, tell me
What I am to think

Sometimes I remember that these thoughts
Are crazy and wrong and cast my mind
All aflutter
But sometimes not
Sometimes I wonder why I am running from the truth
Why everyone wants me to run from the truth

So it’s wake up, shower, eat
Take your meds, there’s a good lad
Now go to a class where you’re not allowed to talk and all you want to do is laugh
And the little pills tell you you’re happy
But your mind won’t tell you the reason
And happiness without reason?
Why that’s its own brand of insanity
But shh, don’t say that
“Crazy” is not politically correct
Or else it’s detrimental to our treatment
But what’s so bad about the word?
I picked it out myself
I wear it so others know I know
(It is “crazy,” right? And not the truth? I’m still not clear)
Because sometimes I forget that I’m supposed to be wrong
Is it harder when you’re so often right?

And the little blue pills that keep me inside this computer world
And the words that warp my thoughts
And the bright and shining madness
Gleaming like a pool of water at the base of the falls
In a magical clearing
In the enchanted forest
And I want to dive in
And maybe drown
But only maybe
Because, I am on fire, you see
And madness is the relief

So I wear the word
I sway on the porch swing
Waiting for the gravel crunch that says
Someone is coming up the drive
And look, it is the opposite of medication
It is a six foot rabbit only I can see
It is the voice of God
It is an alien
And they are piled in a van and calling my name

On the breeze comes a gentle wash of lilac from the bushes outside my window
And oh yeah, I’m off my meds
But I can’t tell
And I have this suspicion that my meds locked me in a tower
But when I was on them, I didn’t think so
So now I’m not sure
And I think I’m holding my breath metaphorically

But I’m not sure
And I don’t think I care
But I’m not sure

So if this isn’t madness
Then we need to create a new word

Once there was a point here
And a question
But those are gone

And I’m left, here’s a shock, alone
So since I’m alone, I want you to leave
All of you, go
Like dust, carried by the wind and go

Then I can think what I want and no one will yell when I say that I am mad