so what

-
I want to write without writing. I want to scream. I want to walk out that door and vanish into the night. Even though it isn’t the night. I don’t know where to go. I have a single path before me, but my feet are hovering three feet above the path and I have no way of getting down.
Nothing is holding me up. I have collapsed under my own weight and I’m just so sick of it all. If I knew how to get a hold of them, I would do every drug man had ever invented. If I could stand the taste, I would be loaded right now.
I am just so sick.
My mind is moving at a snail’s pace. No racing thoughts, no wild visions. Just nothing and nothing to make me happy. Nothing to distract me. Just me and my misery alone and wallowing.
I know I don’t have the right to wallow. I know I don’t have the right to feel sorry for myself. I can’t see any decision, of all those that landed me here, that weren’t my own.
I just don’t care anymore.
I don’t even care enough to want to go. I want to go, but I don’ care about trying. I just want it to be gone or over with or ended or however it would all be wrapped in a tiny bow.
I just…don’t care.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

There is no such thing as "racism"

-
Do you know what one of the main problems is with modern day society? We're taught not to discriminate based on race. And while that might seem like a good thing, and you might be rather outraged right now, the entire concept is fundamentally flawed. The problem is that teaching people this concept instills them with the idea that there is such a thing as "race." There isn't. "Race" is a socially construct based on a person physical appearance or geographic location. Genetically, there is no basic difference between one person and the next. Obviously, because we're all different, there are genetic deviations. But there is nothing to establish "race." There might be differences based on a person's ancestral geographic home, where an entire group of people gathered in a specific type of environment and procreated based out of a small genetic pool. And there might be physical differences because of those environments and the extensive amount o...
Read more

The Two Seperate Categories of Evil and Ken Jennings

-
So the other day, Saturday or something, I made a chocolate cake (Devil's food) and it was from a box, but it now has a full cup of pudding! Anyway, so I then added some chocolate chips, and made buttercream frosting, which is excellent by the way. And while I'm making this, from the point of getting out a stick of butter to the final frosting, Sara frequently reminds me that I'm evil, and I also remind her of that fact because I know how much she enjoys calling me evil. I think she is most fond of it right after I've handed her a no-longer needed utensil that is covered in either batter or frosting. But the point. Sara comments on how she's going to gather all of her self-control and not eat a bunch of it. Well, fortunately for her, I apparently am not immune to my own evil. The Cake is Gone. But now, on to Ken Jennings, who despite what you might be thinking, has no relation to the evil topic. I simply want to state that this man is much, much smarter than we all ...
Read more

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

-
So I saw this sign on a guy’s door: 21 Reasons Why “Star Wars” is Better Than “Titanic” I mean, is there actually someone out there who needs a list to explain it? Let alone 21 reasons. And while we’re at it: if you’re stuck in the middle, with clowns on the left of you and jokers on the right, where are you? And why, when shooting at things that aren’t affected by bullets, do people waste an entire clip trying to kill it? And why, when they’re running out of ammo while fighting the Jaffa, doesn’t SG-1 just pick up all the staff weapons from the corpses and fight with those? And speaking of "Unleashed," which we weren't, it was nice to see that they gave a girl a chance to kick some ass. Even if she ultimately sucked at it. Narf.
Read more
-
OF ALL THE STUPID @#$%^*&(*%$#@!@#$^%&*((*&^%$#Q@$#$%&*^&()) I HATE when I do that. I accidently deleted everything I was working on. So I apologize 'cause I'm not writing it again. I'll give you the short version of everything I was gonna say. 1. Fear Factor has little to do with fear, it should be called Stunt Factor...and it sucks 2. Comedies are too sappy, but only some of them suck 3. My buddies at Cinescape don't suck, and here's a nice shout-out for them: Osirus, Jakester, Rosetta, Meathead, Skiv, Wallflower, Neglet, Fredcomics, Rexxax or Rezzax or something like that, umm......Daforce, Slamshut, LeiterCIA, and I know I'm missing a ton but in no way am I trying to diss you, I just have a really crappy memory 4. Had a nice little chat the other night got to talk to some great people, so shout out to them (Luigi, BeauBetabi aka Cool Guy, Mr. Black, and I think that's everyone who was from CA) 5. People I miss from CA: A...
Read more

The Razor

-
I know, I know. It remains the oddest freakin' thing about me. I'm terrified of sharks. More than terrified, really. And I can't watching them in movies (excluding Deep Blue Sea). But I love, LOVE watching documentaries about them. It's so entertaining. I think the main difference is intent. In movies, the sharks are given motives and motivation. They "want" to kill humans. They stalk their prey. And in documentaries, we're just following along with their natural behavior. As I've said before, I actually like sharks quite a bit. But I'm still scared to death of them. If for some reason, I ever ended up in salt water, just floating...? It's just....so terrifying that I can't even comprehend what my reaction would be. My brain would be stuck, overloading between panic and all the things I shouldn't do. And on top of that list is continuing with this particular topic. So right, in movies. There are so many flaws in these things and many ha...
Read more

Fending off Panic

-
I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to make my rent for next month. $280 in a week and a half. Even if I got a job now, I still wouldn't get paid till at least the week after it was due. And I'd have to be working a full time job to make enough, anyway. Not to mention all the bills I have. And I don't even have enough money to bail and go home. I have enough money to maybe, maybe , get halfway. Although, I don't have enough room in my car for all my stuff, anyway. And "I cna't pay my rent" might not be a good enough reason to get out of my lease. So I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do. If you have any ideas, let me know. Life really sucks right now.
Read more