Alternatives

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I am very restless.

Everything I love about my life is gone.
The freedom from living on my own, my friends, a job I liked, the chance to do or buy things I enjoyed.

Even my computer is shut down.

I miss...
I'm not sure what I miss.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for.

Other than a new job. Because I really, really hate the one I have now.

But there are...circumstances that I'm afraid will interfere with a job change.

Both are the results of some incredibly stupid acts. Things no one has any idea about.

And I don't even have any one to tell them to anymore.

I can't see how it could be my fault, but it's such a strong repeating pattern that I'm afraid I'm just being arrogant.

Everyone's just...gone.

It's like I am nothing but a supporting character, base camp when you're climbing a mountain. You start here, with me, and you come back when you need something, but I'm niether the point nor goal nor something to look forward to.

It's like everyone is destined to leave me.

I mean, at this point, who am I even writing this to? There was really only one person who looked at this, and even she was only extremely rare. So there's no one left.

And I'm looking for this outlet to get out of this empty room I'm in. But none of my options are appealing to me. Should I take these roads I don't want just in case they lead somewhere I will like?

It's frustrating. There's so much I am trying to say and I just don't know what the words are. There are so many emotions just building and I can 't seem to get rid of them.

And I just don't know what to do.

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