Rituals.

Do you have any idea how stupid what you just pulled was? You don’t, do you? You’ve been so oblivious to how I’ve felt all summer that you’ve completely missed the fact that I’ve been depressed and suicidal. So under those circumstances, of course it seemed like a good idea to gang up on my and tell me how much I hurt your feelings one time. No matter that I’ve been pissed at you all summer. No matter that I have to be completely outraged by what you did in order to keep myself from going absolutely insane with depression. And of course you don’t care that I had a hard time breathing as I was driving home because I’ve been deserted, again, by my friends. No matter that I am so sick of being treated this way, that it makes me violently ill. No matter that this is what I’ve had happen with every friend I’ve ever had. No matter that, goddamit, you actually have the power to make me weep. No matter that it’s not the first time. No matter that I’ve done it more this summer than in the rest ...

But Such a Sweet Sixteen I have a pain in my heart My empty, black heart A rock Has been swallowed by my fear And now resides Deep inside Grinding against the walls The soft tissue The blood will not flow And I fear It will mean my death It pulses As nothing does And in public I must hide my face Lest someone see the effect it has But it seems so obvious Wearing it beneath my clothes Like a despicable growth And even now it begs to be fed It surges at my touch And even the slimmest of thoughts The barest of images Seems to provoke it Even now This simple conversation Has flared this fire to life And I yearn So much To be free of it I did not ask for this The lessons were taught But they did not prepare me for this The lessons were learned But they were incomplete And surely my failure cannot be solely mine If they had but told… If they had but shared… If they had but known… But, ah, they would have to know And they do not And so I dealt with this sickness The surest way I knew how And ...

You are driving me absolutely nuts. We're all the same age, so why do I feel like the only adult?